The comedian's act sounded very familiar. Then I realized that the comedian right before him had done the exact same act.
It's not unusual to hear the same jokes from different comedians. There are a lot of hacks out there. What made this so annoying is that there weren't any jokes. Both comics had just yelled at the audience about the same things--health food, Starbucks, Oprah, metrosexuals...I think iPhones might have been in there, too. I see these guys more and more lately, all white men, most of them young, yelling about the same things. They've watched a lot of Bill Hicks, but didn't understand anything about what made him funny. Dennis Leary, Sam Kinison and late-era George Carlin seem to be influences as well, but they seem not to have noticed that all those comics include jokes in their acts.
One phrase that turns up a lot in these rants is "the pussification of America," or "the pussification of the American male." These guys are obsessed with the idea that masculinity is slipping away from the world, that we're all turning into sissies. Because of Starbucks and health food. Does anyone even say "health food" anymore? They seem intent on proving that you don't have to be a Republican to live in constant fear of insufficient masculinity. As it happens, there's an excerpt from Dennis Leary's new book in the current issue of Playboy. And wouldn't you know it, in the first paragraph he uses the phrase "responsible for the pussification of America." In reference to Starbucks.
In fairness to Dennis Leary, when he started ranting about Starbucks, it was still funny. But let's be real--to complain about Starbucks now is like complaining about everyone riding around in those new-fangled driving machines. How long are we going to have to hear the same litany of sins? Everythings fancy! They have funny foreign words for "large" and "medium"! They act bitchy! It costs more than a cup of shitty 7-11 coffee! Leary says he resarches the subject "once or twice a week when I stand in line there and listen as some limp-wristed, yellow-Lance-Armstrong-bracelet-wearing, metrosexual-hair-goo-sporting, Hillary-Clinton's-tired-old-ass-worshipping puke spends 12 minutes trying to decide between the Orange Cranberry Vagina Muffin or the Punpkin Cream Tampon Cake while fingering a Save The Rain Forest Compilation CD..." oh, Jesus, shut the fuck up! If the fucker doesn't like Starbucks, if he just wants a real, manly cup of plain ol' coffee, why doesn't he go to 7-11? It's not like he'd have any trouble finding a fucking 7-11 in L.A. They're the one establishment more common than Starbucks. The answer, of course, is that Dennis Leary goes to Starbucks because he likes the Vente Mocha Half-Caf Latte and the Vanilla Mint Faggot Scone, but he hates himself for loving it. Oh, the torment! (Man, I really didn't mean to make this about Dennis Leary. I guess I hate the guy more than I realized.)
If there's anything dumber than ranting about Starbucks, it's ranting about metrosexuals. Guys who dress well and shave! What is the world coming to? What ever happened to real men like Cary Grant, Clark Gable, or Sean Connery, who used to show up at their premiers in pizza-stained wifebeaters? What's with these fags who comb their hair? Don't they know that taking a shower shrinks your balls?
Still, listening to a hack like Leary is like relaxing on the beach compared to the Abu Grahib of sitting through some of these ranters. I imagine they think their comedy is "pure" and "raw" and "unfiltered," as if comedy were diluted by the inclusion of comedy. So instead of a funny argument against health fads, you get something like "I dated this one girl who was into health food. HEALTH FOOD? What the fuck is this bullshit? When did America start giving a fuck about health food, you stupid cunt? Fuck you! And all you stupid health food faggots out there--fuck you and your fucking health food!"
It's not unusual to hear the same jokes from different comedians. There are a lot of hacks out there. What made this so annoying is that there weren't any jokes. Both comics had just yelled at the audience about the same things--health food, Starbucks, Oprah, metrosexuals...I think iPhones might have been in there, too. I see these guys more and more lately, all white men, most of them young, yelling about the same things. They've watched a lot of Bill Hicks, but didn't understand anything about what made him funny. Dennis Leary, Sam Kinison and late-era George Carlin seem to be influences as well, but they seem not to have noticed that all those comics include jokes in their acts.
One phrase that turns up a lot in these rants is "the pussification of America," or "the pussification of the American male." These guys are obsessed with the idea that masculinity is slipping away from the world, that we're all turning into sissies. Because of Starbucks and health food. Does anyone even say "health food" anymore? They seem intent on proving that you don't have to be a Republican to live in constant fear of insufficient masculinity. As it happens, there's an excerpt from Dennis Leary's new book in the current issue of Playboy. And wouldn't you know it, in the first paragraph he uses the phrase "responsible for the pussification of America." In reference to Starbucks.
In fairness to Dennis Leary, when he started ranting about Starbucks, it was still funny. But let's be real--to complain about Starbucks now is like complaining about everyone riding around in those new-fangled driving machines. How long are we going to have to hear the same litany of sins? Everythings fancy! They have funny foreign words for "large" and "medium"! They act bitchy! It costs more than a cup of shitty 7-11 coffee! Leary says he resarches the subject "once or twice a week when I stand in line there and listen as some limp-wristed, yellow-Lance-Armstrong-bracelet-wearing, metrosexual-hair-goo-sporting, Hillary-Clinton's-tired-old-ass-worshipping puke spends 12 minutes trying to decide between the Orange Cranberry Vagina Muffin or the Punpkin Cream Tampon Cake while fingering a Save The Rain Forest Compilation CD..." oh, Jesus, shut the fuck up! If the fucker doesn't like Starbucks, if he just wants a real, manly cup of plain ol' coffee, why doesn't he go to 7-11? It's not like he'd have any trouble finding a fucking 7-11 in L.A. They're the one establishment more common than Starbucks. The answer, of course, is that Dennis Leary goes to Starbucks because he likes the Vente Mocha Half-Caf Latte and the Vanilla Mint Faggot Scone, but he hates himself for loving it. Oh, the torment! (Man, I really didn't mean to make this about Dennis Leary. I guess I hate the guy more than I realized.)
If there's anything dumber than ranting about Starbucks, it's ranting about metrosexuals. Guys who dress well and shave! What is the world coming to? What ever happened to real men like Cary Grant, Clark Gable, or Sean Connery, who used to show up at their premiers in pizza-stained wifebeaters? What's with these fags who comb their hair? Don't they know that taking a shower shrinks your balls?
Still, listening to a hack like Leary is like relaxing on the beach compared to the Abu Grahib of sitting through some of these ranters. I imagine they think their comedy is "pure" and "raw" and "unfiltered," as if comedy were diluted by the inclusion of comedy. So instead of a funny argument against health fads, you get something like "I dated this one girl who was into health food. HEALTH FOOD? What the fuck is this bullshit? When did America start giving a fuck about health food, you stupid cunt? Fuck you! And all you stupid health food faggots out there--fuck you and your fucking health food!"
I suppose I'll be sitting through more and more of these rants in the coming years, as the economy gets worse and more people turn to standup comedy as an affordable alternative to anger management therapy.
